So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
