Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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