You're my little dorito
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
