for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
