I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
