new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
