My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
