i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
