Don't make out with my wife yet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize