Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize