She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
