Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
