yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
