I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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