She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
