in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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