that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
