i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
