I can text with my tongue
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
