Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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