did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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