fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
