I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
