if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
