I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Mom said you looked used
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
