Little spoons don't ask big questions
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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