He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
