We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
