And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
