Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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