she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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