i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
