i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
