I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she peed on how many people?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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