Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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