great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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