I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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