If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize