I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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