vagina is talking i cant
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
