it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
