I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They took my balls.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize