Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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