Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize