whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
