Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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