I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
