Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize