I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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