whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
