I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
