first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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