I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize