can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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