Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
