i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
