Can i not drive my cunt home
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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