p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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