You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
