He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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