I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
