I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
