god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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