I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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