Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
