was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize