Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
