If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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