tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
