Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
