For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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