I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
