what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
