You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
