Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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