I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
