she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize