I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
