My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
