I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
