Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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