exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
