I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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