I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
