The maid of honor just puked.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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